New Hopes, Old Life!
November 23, 2009Its nearly 5 in the morning and I still can’t sleep. I tried but all I got was memories of the things I lost long ago. It made me think about where my life is going? Why am I still alive? I try to be happy again with others but with them even I feel this emptiness inside, I can’t laugh with all my heart these days and it makes me worried about why? I thought I knew myself and still I do but why I can’t understand what I’m feeling! its terrible to know them afterwards. I think its about me and my dreams, well the only dream I once had but… I didn’t know that I was still into it. I thought it was over and now I was moving on with my life but its not. What life is all about anyway! I don’t know if I can live if I had nothing to look forward to, and even now when I have, I feel like I can never succeed in whatever I am doing. Nobody has the faith in me, I let them all down the last time. It’s really hard to do well when you have all those people expecting you to be the best. I came to know just yesterday when I was talking to someone that they only gave up because of me, if I couldn’t nobody can… according to them. I wanted to tell them that not everybody is a loser like me and they should at least try their best and I tried to, no matter how hard it was for me to do so but still they see more of what I do than to hear what I say, and that’s a wise thing to do but not for the failures I guess. Its really hard to be a role model, even harder to stay being one. I once was a role model to them, the kids around me and now… I screwed it all. I don’t even know what to do about it. I’m not perfect, I’m not the one they should be looking to… I told them that a million times but still they won’t listen. I just want this to be over as soon as it can, I just want this year to be done soon and let the new year come with new hopes and may be when my college starts, I’d forget all about it and be my happy self again! Let’s hope its gonna be!
Hey You~
This is the most important step you can take if you want to go from hopeless,and helpless life to a life with meaning and hope. You have to get yourself in counseling!!!! You need someone to walk along side of you to journey through your losses. You will not get better until you are willing to do this. Memories don’t go away instantly You have to walk out the pain of them with a counselor. Until you do you will continue to get the same results. control your life. I’ve been told the brain only listens to you and until you start doing some serious work you will stay helpless. Nobody can take away your pain no relationship. no drug.no alchol etc.
Please take the responsiabilty for yourself. It doesnt matter who does or who doesnt have faith in you God has faith in you let him help you? God will never give up on you no matter what.He sees your pain ,your struggles he wants you free living a life full of hope and dreams. god has many tools he will use to see you healed refuse to give up and take action small baby steps.
As long as you keep referring to yourself as a failure and a loser your brain will believe it.
God does not expect you to be perfect. God’s expectation of you is to allow him to heal your broken heart and let him show you the way.God gives us choices either to stay the way we are or allow him to change us.
The next year will not change unless you start doing the work you need to do now. Let go of what you think is going to bring you happiness you’ve tryed it and it’s left you empty there is another way. The only way you are going to find out who you really are is the willingness to embrace who God says you are. You’ve been pretending and wearing a mask too many years this is not who you are. Your circumstances and lifes blows are not who you are. It’s what’s happened to you for you to become the way you are.